around the world, hollaback!

The 7 Stages of Street Harssment

This is what goes through a woman’s head when she’s catcalled by a stranger…

Stage One: Surprise!
Jesus H Christ. You would think I wouldn’t actually be surprised when some [guy] yells a lewd comment at me at 11pm on a Tuesday. GUESS AGAIN. Normally when I’m commuting I’m in my own world, wondering what I’ll have for dinner (ramen) or what my bank account looks like (empty). That’s usually when someone breaks my train of “productive” thought and shouts that I’m “sexy” or wants to know “where I’m going.” This shock quickly turns into the next stage.

Stage Two: Anger
Fury. I mean pure, unadulterated FURY. HOW DARE YOU, SIR. ARE YOU AN ANIMAL? CAN YOU NOT CONTROL YOURSELF? CAN YOU NOT KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR PANTS OR YOUR GODDAMN TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH? THIS I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR ACTIONS REPRESENT AN ENTIRE GENDER? THAT YOU MAKE ME THINK ALL MEN ON THIS EARTH ARE THE WORST AND THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE IN HARMONY IS IF YOU DID NOT EXIST? I DO NOT WANT TO THINK THESE THINGS. I DO NOT WANT TO SAY THEM. I DON’T EVEN WANT TO TYPE THEM RIGHT NOW. BUT GODDAMN IT I AM FURIOUS THAT SOMEWHERE IN YOUR TINY SKULL YOU THINK YELLING AT ME WHEN I AM ALONE AT NIGHT IS A REALLY GREAT IDEA. NO. REALLY DUDE. SUCH A GOOD IDEA. THIS ACCOMPLISHES SO MUCH. IN ONE FELL SWOOP YOU MANAGED TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME, AND MAKE YOUR ENTIRE GENDER LOOK LIKE A BUNCH OF ANIMALISTIC PREDATORS. GOOD. REALLY. GOOD.

Stage Three: What Am I Wearing?
I love this stage. I love that it exists still. I love the fact that after my anger subsides, I immediately turn to place the blame on myself. What am I wearing? Can you see my arms? What about my legs? Can you see my face? Oh my god my face is showing; I asked for this. I WOKE UP AND DECIDED TO SHOW MY FACE TODAY. STUPID RACHEL. THINK BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE. THAT FOREHEAD SKIN IS SO PROVOCATIVE, NO WONDER HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF. PUT YOUR FACE AWAY, YOU STUPID, STUPID SLUT.

Stage Four: Should I Be Flattered?
What a horrible thing to have in your brain. Should I be flattered? Well, he called me sexy? That’s not so bad, that’s kind of nice I guess. I mean, I’m sweating and my makeup is running and that guy still thinks I’m sexy. Wait, no. So, so incorrect. This is [messed] up. This is the [messed] up truth, though.

Stage Five: Anger…Again
DID I REALLY JUST THINK THOSE THINGS? WHERE ALONG THE LINE WAS I TAUGHT THAT SOME A-HOLE’S APPROVAL WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THEN MY OWN SELF WORTH? Flaws. This is all filled with so many flaws.

Stage Six: Feeling Trapped
What was I supposed to do? Did I handle that correctly? My parents taught me to control my emotions, to not say anything, for my own safety. But how can I just not say anything? Doesn’t that perpetuate the cycle? If no one stands up to these people out of fear that only gives them more power doesn’t it? But what about my own personal safety? How do I make them understand, how do I make them realize that what they think are just tiny words are actually doing so much damage to me? How do I make them see that their actions affect everyone around them when no one around them even flinches? You can’t reason with people like this, you can’t have an educated political debate about women being equal and how harassment like this dehumanizes them, making them feel like a lesser person, so what’s the point? Why say anything at all?

Stage Seven: The Feminist Rant
Why say anything at all? Because, progress. Because I’m still figuring out how to deal with a-holes like this. Because I truly don’t believe that in my lifetime I will ever know what it’s like to walk the streets without fear, without my fist clenched around my keys, without a face on that looks like it’s ready for a fight if it had to come down to it. And no, Mom and Dad, this isn’t because I live in NYC. This is EVERYWHERE. This is in my hometown, this is in every single country, it’s happening, to far more severe degrees, all over the world. I’ve always been asked that silly question by my friends, what would you do if you had a penis for a day, and my answer has almost always been, “I dunno I would probably pee on everything I could.” But you know what I’d really do? I’d see what it was like to live a day without the fear of rape or murder that comes from just standing in a subway station.

Check out the original post here.

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around the world, creeper, hollaback!, scary

#ThatsWhatHeSaid… not a joke

Many women, at some point or another, will experience sexual harassment on the street. Between the catcalling, the aggressive comments, and the lingering stares, 51% of the population lives in a world where their bodies can be transformed into public property in an instant.

The Huffington Post decided to start the hashtag, ThatsWhatHeSaid, in which women are sharing direct quotes from their catcallers to give the world specific examples of what we endure.

No age is off limits when it comes to harassment.

u look about 12

No matter what, women always have to feel like it’s their fault.

grabbing your ass

It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing.

parka

Don’t be surprised when they get aggressive.

get back here bitch

Never forget that your body is under inspection.

butt and boobs

You don’t have to go out in public to be harassed.

til you're 18

Things can turn violent in an instant.

move slut

Life is even more dangerous when your gender expression threatens the norm.

trans woman

Harassment doesn’t need to be verbal.

touch my face

Nowhere public is truly a safe space.

grocery store

Check out the original post here.

And don’t forget to share your story. We’ve got your back!

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creeper, Holla! On-The-Go., hollaback!, Uncategorized

Holla! on the go – An Anonymous Story

I was running in a park by my house and a man was standing, facing the trail in a wooded area. I rounded the corner and noticed his wang hanging out. He pretended once I made a loud, “eeeww yuck,” that he was just urinating. He said, “aww I’m sorry I’m sorry,” but made no attempt to cover his erect weiner. I kept running & called 911 to let them know about it. I’m glad I did, but I felt bad as I couldn’t give a great description as all I could remember was his thingy & his voice.

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around the world, hollaback!

What To Do When Someone Catcalls You On The Street

While it may seem relatively innocent, street harassment does have detrimental effects.  Immediately after the incident, targets report feeling annoyed, angry, embarrassed, threatened, or scared the situation will escalate. They contemplate how they “should have” reacted.

If You’re Being Catcalled:

Assess your safety. 
Because every situation is different, there is no perfect response. If it’s nighttime and you’re walking in a desolate area, or your harasser is in a group, the best response might be not engaging at all.

Make eye contact.
Strong body language, particularly eye contact, will surprise your harasser. “It tends to work well because then they’re too shocked to retaliate,” says Holly Kearl,  founder of  Stop Street Harassment  and author of ” Stop Street Harassment: Making Public Places Safe and Welcoming For Women. “It forces them to think about what they’ve said or done.”

Use a firm voice.
In an audible, unwavering tone, tell your harasser that his or her behavior is not okay. Try negative statements like, “No, leave me alone.”  “I don’t appreciate it.” “What you’re saying is disrespectful.” “Go away.”

If you’re feeling bold and the situation allows it, you can turn the tables on your harasser. Ask them to repeat what they said or loudly repeat it, comment on how they look, or take their photo.

Avoid swearing.
It’s hard to resist, but cursing can backfire. “While it may work in some instances, this type of reaction is the most likely to make the harasser respond with anger and violence,” Kearl says.

Walk away.
After you’ve made eye contact and said your negative statement, keep moving, Roy says. “Keep it short so the harasser doesn’t think it’s an opening to a conversation.”

Fake a phone call.
If your harasser is still following you, cross the street and pretend to call a friend. Tell her you’re just down the block and will be there soon. Or threaten to dial 911. And if you fear the situation is escalating, make the call!

If You’re A Bystander

Watching street harassment happen is almost as painful as being a target of it. Hollaback suggests using one of the “four D’s” of bystander intervention.

Intervene directly.
If you’ve assessed the situation and decided it’s safe for you to become involved, you might approach the harasser and tell him or her to “knock it off,” or loudly say “ugh, that is so gross” as you walk by.

Create a distraction.
There are a few ways to disrupt the harasser’s antics without actually addressing the harasser. Approach the target and ask for directions, offer your seat, or act like you know each other. Say, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. We have to meet our friends!”

Find a delegate. 
If you’re by a construction site, seek out the foreman. In the subway station, find a transit authority worker. Rally people standing around you who look like they would be more confident approaching the harasser. “You have the power to de-escalate the situation,” Roy says. “When other people get involved, usually the harasser backs off.”

Intervene on delay.
When the situation has passed, ask the target if he or she is okay. Simply validating their experience by telling them “I’m sorry that happened” or “ugh, that happens to me all the time,” creates solidarity and makes a huge difference.

What To Do After The Fact

Remind yourself who’s to blame. Being harassed can bring up confusing feelings. “We feel very ashamed about the way we responded,” Roy says. Rather than harp on what went wrong or right, remind yourself that it is your harasser’s job to feel guilty, not yours.

Tell a friend.
Talking about the incident and how it made you feel helps you gain support, give a voice to your experience, and realize you’re not alone.

Share Your Story

Check out the full article here.

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creeper, Holla! On-The-Go., hollaback!, Uncategorized

Holla! on the Go – Onine Harssment is NOT Okay!

Men seem to think that harassing women online is ok. It isn’t. I can still be triggered online and this is not ok!

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around the world, bystander intervention works!, hollaback!

Seriously Badass Ladies

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, singer/mogul

Known for: being a boss, dropping an entire visual album on an unsuspecting public, running the world.

Best quote: “I truly believe that women should be financially independent from their men. And let’s face it, money gives men the power to run the show. It gives men the power to define value. They define what’s sexy. And men define what’s feminine. It’s ridiculous.”

Gloria Steinem, feminist icon

Badass Ladies - Gloria S.
Known for: essentially starting the modern feminist movement, co-founding Ms. magazine.
Best quote: “Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke… She will need her sisterhood.

Emma Watson, actress/activist

Known for: stealing our hearts as Hermione Granger, starring in many an indie film, becoming the U.N.’s Goodwill Ambassador for the HeForShe Campaign.
Best quote: “Becoming yourself is really hard and confusing, and it’s a process. It’s often not cool to be the person who puts themselves out there.”

Aung San Suu Kyi, politician/Nobel Peace Prize winner

Badass Ladies - Aung San Suu Kyi
Known for: fighting for the country of Myanmar to become a free and democratic society, being held under house arrest for 21 years as a political dissenter, winning the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize.
Best quote:“If you’re feeling helpless, help someone.”

Laverne Cox, actress/activist

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice

Known for: being the second female Supreme Court Justice after Sandra Day O’Connor, writing a “slow clap-worthy” dissent to the recent Hobby Lobby ruling.
Best quote: “I do hope that some of my dissents will one day be the law.”

Shonda Rhimes, showrunner

Badass Ladies - Shonda Rhimes

Known for: pretty much single-handedly keeping ABC in business for the last 10 years; creating, writing, and running Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal; executive producing the upcoming How to Get Away with Murder.

Best quote: “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.”

Marissa Mayer, Yahoo CEO

Known for: taking over as CEO of Yahoo, being a former Google executive.

Best quote: “I love technology, and I don’t think it’s something that should divide along gender lines.”

Janelle Monáe, singer

Known for: rocking a tux like no one else; encouraging young women to be passionate, unique individuals; making some sweet music.
Best quote: “I feel myself becoming the fearless person I have dreamt of being. Have I arrived? No. But I’m constantly evolving and challenging myself to be unafraid to make mistakes.”

Jenji Kohan, showrunner

Badass Ladies - Jenji Kohan

Known for: creating shows that showcase dynamic, interesting women such as Weeds and Orange Is the New Black.

Best quote: “I’m always looking for those places where you can slam really disparate people up against one another, and they have to deal with each other. There are very few crossroads anymore. We talk about this country as this big melting pot, but it’s a mosaic. There’s all these pieces, they’re next to each other, they’re not necessarily mixing. And I’m looking for those spaces where people actually do mix.”

Diane Von Furstenberg, designer

Known for: creating the iconic wrap dress, building a world famous designer label entirely from scratch.

Best quote: “I wanted to be an independent woman, a woman who could pay for her bills, a woman who could run her own life — and I became that woman.”

Maya Angelou, author/poet/actress

Known for: inspiring a generation of young women to rise to their potential, authoring I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and many other books, memoirs, and poems.

Best quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Hillary Clinton, politician/former First Lady/former U.S. Senator/ former Secretary of State

Known for: probably becoming the 45th President of the United States, traveling to 112 countries during her time as Secretary of State (more than any other SoS), serving as a senator for New York, authoring two memoirs.

Best quote: “I believe that the rights of women and girls is the unfinished business of the 21st century.”

Check out the full list here.

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around the world, does that normally work for you?, hollaback!, scary, ugh.

“Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes that guy.”

One woman decided that she had enough of street harassment and started confronting and filming men who cat called her. She posted those video’s online.

 

 

Have a similar experience? Share you story here. We’ve got your back!

See the full story here or here.

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